I Was Afraid to Have Faith!

Why am I surprised when God answers my prayers with a YES!? I want to say, “of course, I believed this would happen! Of course, my prayers and desires weren’t too big.” God can and WILL bless the work He has called me to do.

But I struggle to say those words. I wonder if my faith is too small? Or if my faith journey has been punctuated so often by struggle and doing hard things with God, I assume that is the way things will inevitably be.

I think about Hannah, who prayed – literally begged- God for a child for 10 years! Did her faith waver? How did her heart reconcile her longing with the waiting and wondering? How did her faith stay strong when each month the tell tale signs of an empty womb pierced her heart with disappointment and sorrow?

I wonder if my fear of believing God will do miracles in my life is more of a protection against that same heartache. I want to be bold in my prayers and strong in my faith, but I hesitate.

My best friend challenged me to...

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What If Struggle Is Necessary?

Yep, you read that right. What if struggle is a necessary part of our growth in Christ-likeness, faith, and even more importantly, to draw all our eyes to God? I have wrestled this question for years, not wanting to yield.

For 12 years, I have battled chronic, debilitating illness.  Cancer treatment damaged  my already weak immune system, and left me struggling for 7 years to string 2 months without a massive doses of steroids to help me breathe. over time, I continue to get better and renew the hope, I may be healed for good.  Either I am an eternal optimist or living in utter denial! (Optimism=good, Denial=not so good!)

I wrestle with missing events, kids ball games, staying in the hotel while hubby and kids went on outing during vacation, missing church, disappointing people, taking a long sabbatical from my work, and feeling like my dreams were dying.  Discouragement and depression were my companions, and they still visit often.  Fear, worry, anger set...

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Who Has the Last Word?

Who has the last word- the final say - me or God?

Do I believe what I think, see, understand and can wrap my created mind around? OR Do I believe what God -The Creator- says?

Writing this question down reveals how ridiculous it actually is!  Of course God should and Does have the last word, the final say, the ultimate Truth.  The key is – I don’t always live and think like I really believe this Truth.

I get tangled up in my own thoughts, perceptions, story and understandings and let them be the louder or the last word when I look at difficult circumstances, battle the shame or lies in my head.  I am sad to say, that I often listen to my words more than God’s word and can suck the life and hope right out of me.

There was a time when, I was in counseling dealing with the impact of being sexually abused as a child and again as a teen; (both times by non-family members) I felt damaged, dirty, shame-filled, beyond...

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How Has Your Story Shaped You?

Stories fascinate me… they are the foundation of our live and our relationships.  We are a product of our story- our experiences and  interactions -with the people in our lives- in the midst of the daily-ness of living…

Stories are our history, yet they shape our futures because we live them out in the present.  Not trying to be lofty, or even profound – but think about that for a moment…

History- where we came from… our parents and grandparents stories influenced us because they lived in their unfolding.

Futures are created in the decisions we make today AND those are all colored by both the thoughts and events of moment and all that came before.

What is your story?  

Understanding it is a crucial part of living with intention, building strong relationships and being successful in business and life endeavors.

For example, today I took a huge risk and reached out to a prominent person for some help with an upcoming...

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Have You Ever Felt Alone In a Crowd of Friends?

What do you do when you feel alone?  not the good alone – of restorative and restful time apart- but the alone of left, abandoned, unseen?

Have you been there?  You know those times when your relationships feel distant. strained, preoccupied or clumsy?  Or when you really need to share your heart and there isn’t room to do so?

We can be in the middle of a crowd of people, even friends and yet feel totally alone.  And it feels awful.

Sometimes, we leave, emotionally detach or physically make an exit, sometimes we numb the pain of aloneness with food, drink, activities, busyness, sometimes we scramble and share anyway desperate for connection.   I have done all of these things and none really provide comfort – but rather a momentarily feeling of relief, that when it passes, I still feel alone.

Can you relate?

Jesus can.  God in the flesh knows what it is to be utterly alone.

I can’t wrap my mind around...

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